omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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