just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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