Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
