you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
