It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
