You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
