apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
