rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
