Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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