He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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