Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
