when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
