why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
