I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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