Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will be naked everywhere
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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