i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
