More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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