her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
