thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
