there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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