Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
