Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
