Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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