you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
