Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
