is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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