highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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