could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
