Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
