Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
