You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
