Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
