laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
