If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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