Yo dont text me then not text me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
