I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
