Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
