I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
