did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
