i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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