Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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