theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
