I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
