well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
