I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
3 2 1 whiskey
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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