i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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