At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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