shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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