Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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