I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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