Umm I'm too high to move.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
