i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
