I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize