Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
