I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he was CRYING into my vagina
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
