i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
