I wanna passion pit in your ass
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
