New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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