i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
