you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
