I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
