i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
