Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
