We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize