I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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