Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
