I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize