you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
