So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
