Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
