wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
