Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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