Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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