it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
