I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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