people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
