put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
