I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
