..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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