aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize