R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Found the puke drawer
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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