so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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