I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
