so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
