Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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