I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
