I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
