i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
