An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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