We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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