My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
