maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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