The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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