The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
