She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
