I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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