Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize