now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
