I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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