I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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