You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
50% drunk capacity currently
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
