His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
