I got her a Nickelback box set.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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