I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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