my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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