You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
