oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
