i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
love makes seman taste better
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
