You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
