3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
