I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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