If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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