OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
