i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
