Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
