Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
