he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He? As in you personified your dick?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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