dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
