But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
