Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
