remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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