kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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